


Erlebnisse

by 4bpiya



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Chaelisa - Freeform, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Idols, Illness, Mistreatment, OT4 Friendship, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4bpiya/pseuds/4bpiya
Summary: Standing in  the middle of the dressing room, Chaeyoung felt the weight of her manager’s words physically dragging her down to lean on the chair in front of her, her loose hair creating a curtain between her and the occupants of the room.“If you won’t tell us what the issue is, then there is no reason for me to approve your request and create unnecessary drama.”“But—”“You know how much scrutiny you are under, and an unplanned doctor’s visit without the PR prep forwhenit comes out will worry the fans and cast a shadow on your ability to perform. We wouldn’t want thatagain, would we?”
Relationships: Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction.
> 
> if you need a TW regarding the illness, see note at the end.
> 
> Erlebnisse (n.)  
> The experiences, positive or negative, that we feel most deeply, and through which we truly live; not mere experiences, but Experiences

Standing in the middle of the dressing room, Chaeyoung felt the weight of her manager’s words physically dragging her down to lean on the chair in front of her, her loose hair creating a curtain between her and the occupants of the room.  


_“If you won’t tell us what the issue is, then there is no reason for me to approve your request and create unnecessary drama.”  
“But—”  
“You know how much scrutiny you are under, and an unplanned doctor’s visit without the PR prep for **when** it comes out will worry the fans and cast a shadow on your ability to perform. We wouldn’t want that **again** , would we?”_

He hadn’t even given her a chance to respond before he shook his head and walked out of the room, muttering under his breath. Chaeyoung felt trapped in both her spot and her situation. It wasn’t that she expected that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, but a request for a doctor’s appointment wasn’t as frivolous as her manager made it out to be, right? The once fleeting thought of ‘what has she gotten herself into with going into the idol world’ reared its ugly head again causing tears to sting her eyes. This would’ve never happened if she was back home or in any other job for that matter.

She hadn’t seen the look of disbelief and anger on the faces of the usually stoic staff in the room before she put her head down to shield herself from the embarrassment of what was practically a scolding from her manager. So she was surprised when she felt a comforting hand on her back, and looked up to see it was her hair stylist Chacha who was the person behind the kind gesture, with sympathetic eyes and a slight shake of her head at the situation.  


“Chaeyoung… what manager sunbae said… it’s not right,” Chacha said hesitantly, but was quickly supported with nods and grunts of approval of other members of the staff.  


Chaeyoung sobbed at the open support she was receiving. Due to the nature of their jobs, staff members usually fluttered around quietly, never even acknowledging the private conversations that took place in front of them all the time, partly because of YGE gag orders and partly because of their loyalty to the girls who they have spent so much time with over the years that they were practically family. 

Chacha continued to rub Chaeyoung’s back as the girl tried to get a hold of her emotions, the rest of the staff busing themselves to give her some privacy. Chacha then addressed Chaeyoung quietly, “If you want, I can help.”  


“No unnie,” Chaeyoung immediately shook her head, clearing her throat, “I don’t want anyone to get in trouble, manager oppa said—”  


“Said you can’t go to the doctor, which don’t get me started on how ridiculous that is to begin with, but I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble either. My sister, Sung-mi, you’ve met her before, at my birthday celebration, remember? She is a doctor, maybe you can give her a call.”  


“But—”  


“It’s just a call and she would keep it a secret if you’re worried. She knows what kind of job you have, and it would be under doctor-patient confidentiality anyway, and no one else would have to know.”  


This definitely grabbed Chaeyoung’s attention, making it a bit easier to breathe now that she can see an option and was not completely trapped in the situation of either ‘tell the company everything and risk the “unnecessary drama” that she herself was trying to avoid in the first place by just asking for a doctor’s appointment without details’ or not have a check-up till her next physical and risk— 

_Hospital bed, the beeping of a heart rate monitor, the smell of antiseptic as a frail arm reaches out towards her—_

Chaeyoung shakes herself out of the memory before it could completely take hold, but the underlying fear from the small glimpse made her nod at Chacha’s suggestion.

———

The 10 minute phone call to Sung-mi lead to Chaeyoung agreeing to yet another suggestion, which was how Chaeyoung found herself in her bedroom in the dorms with Dr. Lee Sung-mi performing a physical examination on her while Chacha was on watch in the living room, ready to run interference if need be.  


Chaeyoung was slightly shaking both from the cold as she lied on her bed topless, and from the fear of what the doctor would find, as the woman prodded around the problem that started this whole thing with an ultrasound transducer. Sung-mi frowned slightly as she looked at the screen, and Chaeyoung hoped it was because the portable ultrasound screen was much smaller than what the doctor is used to in her office and not because of what she was seeing.  


It was the latter.

“You see this area?” The doctor turned the screen towards Chaeyoung and pointed at a spot in the sea of static grey where it was darker with a round-ish shape. “This is what you felt. From what I’m seeing it’s a solid mass.”  


Chaeyoung swallowed as she stared at the sonogram, begging the black and grey spots to make sense, “what does that mean Sung-mi seonsaengnim?”  


“It means we definitely need to do more testing to make sure it’s not cancer.”

_The smell of antiseptic permeated her senses, as the heart monitor beeped louder in her ears, the frail arm reaching out for her accompanied with a slow heavy intake of breath that sounded almost non human at this point._

“Chaeyoung,” Sung-mi shook her out of her reverie as she wiped away the ultrasound gel from her breast. “I don’t want you to worry just yet, it could be nothing but with your fam—”  


“—I know,” Chaeyoung interrupted dejectedly, her voice lacking the earlier warmth it held when the doctor first came.  


“It is highly unusual that I don’t conduct this in my clinic and start at least some blood tests right away and a consultation with a specialist. I understand your situation, but your company can’t stop you from seeking medical attention. The fact that your manager did so in the first place is illegal.”  


Chaeyoung shook her head, “He wouldn’t have stopped me if I explained…”  


“You’re not obliged to divulge your medical information, especially when it doesn’t relate to a condition incurred at or affecting your work. You need to come into my clinic, and if you don’t want to explain to your company, you don’t have to,” Sung-mi busied herself with discarding her gloves and packing away her equipment as Chaeyoung put on her button up shirt, movements slow ending with wrapped arms around herself. “If you’re worried about this coming out, you don’t need to, I’ll see you after hours, minimal staff, and we’ll keep your information as anonymous as can be for all your lab work.”  


Chaeyoung weakly nodded in acknowledgment.  


“Early detection is extremely important here Chaeyoung, so the sooner the better. You have my phone number, just call me and we can set everything up to make sure your privacy is maintained so you can just focus on your health.”  


Mastering a smile of gratitude, “Thank you so much Sung-mi seonsaengnim,” Chaeyoung bowed, tears clouding her vision, “I know this is a very inconvinient situation for you and you have been most accommodating—”  


“—It’s quiet alright Chaeyoung,” Sung-mi interrupted and guided her to straighten up, and then joked, “not like my sister gave me any choice when her phone call for once wasn’t to rave about what an awesome color job she has done on your hair and how she should be getting art awards for this.”  


Chaeyoung gave a wet laugh, “She deserves all the awards, but I might be a bit bias.”  


“Don’t tell her that, her head is already big enough,” Sung-mi replied, “Take care Chaeyoung, and I’ll wait for your call.”

Chaeyoung bowed again as Sung-mi left the room.

_The wheezing breath suffocating her as if all the air in the room was drawn in—  
The shaking frail arm dropping—  
The continuous tone of the flat line pitching in her nightmares from then on—  
“Time of death, 9:47 pm.”_

———

“Chaengie you skipped dinner, so we brought you some kimchi fri—ed… rice…” Lisa faltered in her loud declaration, surprised by the sight of Chacha standing in their living room, “Oh Chacha, I wasn’t expecting to see you here…”  


“Oh hi girls, you’re back so soon.” Chacha nervously glanced towards the echoing of footsteps coming down the hallway.  


Jennie’s eyes narrowed at the unfamiliar woman coming out with a heavy backpack swung on her shoulder. Chacha’s eyes were wide, but the other woman had only stopped briefly upon seeing the girls then continued her way to Chacha.  


Chacha rushed to the introduction, “Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa, you’ve met my sister Sung-mi before.”  


Jisoo smiled as she greeted a hello, while the other girls slightly bowed.  


“It’s nice seeing you again,” Sung-mi responded with a small smile, “we were just on our way out.”  


“Oh,” Jisoo was as confused as the other two girls, she set down the food on the dining table, “were you here for Chaeyoung?”  


This made Chacha glance towards the bedrooms, making Lisa follow her suit with a frown.  


Chacha finally answered when her sister elbowed her lightly, “Hmmm yes, she invited us over after her shooting.” 

Lisa was already gravitating towards Chaeyoung’s room, not understanding why the girl wouldn’t be walking her guests out when she heard the crying. Her eyes briefly met her band mates’ in alarm before she rushed towards the sound. 

  


Lisa froze at Chaeyoung’s door, seeing her best friend sitting on her bed, face buried in her hands, quiet sobs wracking her body. The sight made Lisa’s chest constrict in pain, as she walked into the room slowly, trying not to startle the other girl.  


“Chae…” Lisa called out softly, kneeling next to her friend, lightly touching her knees.  


Despite Lisa’s attempts, this caused Chaeyoung to jump in surprise, sobs stopping.  


“Hey it’s okay,” Lisa comforted, “it’s just me.”  


“Li-sa…” Chaeyoung said, biting her bottom lip, sniffling, trying not to cry again.  


Lisa brought her hand to Chaeyoung’s reddened face, wiping away at the tears, “Are you alright? What happened?”  


This was apparently the wrong thing to ask because Chaeyoung immediately burst into tears again, surprising Lisa who immediately sat next to her, hugging Chaeyoung to her chest protectively.  


Lisa was at loss for words. Despite having seen the girl who was quick to tears at various levels of emotional, Lisa had never seen her group member breakdown like this before. Coupled with Chacha and her sister’s inexplicable presence in their dorm, Lisa was beyond confused and worried about the shaking girl in her arms.  


Lisa rubbed a comforting hand up and down Chaeyoung’s back, hoping the girls would calm down enough to tell her what was going on so that she could do something to fix it. Lisa was a woman of action, and she was half wishing she could stride back into the living room to question Sung-mi seonsaengnim who had just come out of Chaeyoung’s room.  


Lisa’s eyes widened in realization at the automatic honorific her mind supplied.  


Lee Sung-mi was a doctor.

———  


Lisa walked in to the living room, not surprised to find the two older members turning quickly towards her.  


“How is she?” Jennie beat Jisoo to the question.  


“She’s asleep now,” Lisa expanded with a thick voice, watching her best friend in this state taking quiet a toll on her, “She cried herself to sleep…”  


“Did she say anything?”  


Lisa shook her head, “Not a word, I’ve never seen her like this, she’s not one to keep what’s bothering her to herself. Did you guys find out anything from Chacha and her sister?”  


Jisoo huffed in frustration, “Sung-mi immediately left after you went to Chaeyoung, and we couldn’t get much out of Chacha, even when Jen threatened to bring in the managers.” The last part was said with a pointed glare towards Jennie.  


“Hey I wasn’t actually going to,” Jennie defended, arms crossed against her chest, “I just figured with how nervous Chacha was that a bit of fear would loosen her lips.”  


“Except it did the opposite,” Jisoo countered but her tone was already softer, she might not always agree with Jennie’s ‘Karen attitude’ but she would also be the first to admit that it usually got Jennie what she wanted.  


Jennie explained to Lisa, “She said Chaeyoung would get in trouble if we said anything and that shut us right up.”  


“Get Chaeyoung in trouble?” Lisa frowned, feeling like she was missing too many pieces of the puzzle she was trying to desperately assemble inside her head.  


“Did she… did she look hurt?” Jennie asked hesitantly, interrupting Lisa’s thoughts with even more worrying ones. “It’s just that Jisoo unnie remembered that Sung-mi is—”  


“—a doctor, yeah I remembered too,” Lisa finished her sentence. “Uh… not from what I can see, but she was crying so much, it’s hard to tell.”  


Jisoo shook her head, face a bit paler, “Not just a doctor… She’s a gynecologist.”  


This made Lisa pause with widened eyes, “You think… you think **someone** hurt her?” Her hands clenched into fists on their own accord as her heart took off in a galloping beat.  


“We- We don’t know,” Jennie answered distraught, hands running through her hair, “but with the crying, the secret gynecologist visit, and the ‘she would get into trouble’ if we talked to the managers… It’s possible…”  


“Or it could be something else entirely, and we’re just letting our imagination run wild for nothing,” Jisoo interjected with fingers to her temples to ease the forming headache, “the only way to get answers is to wait for when Chaeyoung wakes up.”  


Jennie was the first to respond, “Yeah you’re right. We should just call it a night, and we can figure this out with Chaeyoung. Whatever it is.”  


Lisa was still deep in thought with different scenarios running through her head, recalling Chaeyoung’s schedule over the last couple of days, who she could’ve met, trying to pinpoint any moment when something seemed off with the girl, but she hadn’t really seen Chaeyoung much between the solo shootings of their new music video and the obligations they each had. It was only the cancelling of the set dinner plans that stood out, but that was obviously for this secret doctor’s visit, so whatever it was had to have happened before th—  


“—Lisa,” Jisoo shook her out of her spiraling thoughts, with a hand on her arm, “all this speculation is just going to drive us crazy. We’ll deal with whatever it is. Together.”  


Lisa nodded, realizing that Jisoo was right, even if the thought of someone hurting Chaeyoung boiled her blood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontation with manager leads to revelations and a much needed heart to heart between the members. Angst and some Chaelisa.

Morning came quick for Lisa, not having slept well from the worried thoughts buzzing around her head. She had spent the night in Chaeyoung’s room, afraid to leave the girl on her own given how she was the previous night. The sound of a commotion outside made her detangle herself from the bed covers, making sure Chaeyoung was still asleep and pad out of the room quietly. 

She was surprised to find Chaeyoung’s manager in their dorm, and even more surprised to apparently find the sounds she heard was him arguing with Jennie.

“Ah Lisa, finally some reason,” the manager sighed in mock relief, “Chaeyoung has to go to the studio for some re-shoots and—”

“—and as I told you, she’s not feeling well, so tell them they’ll have to reschedule,” Jennie huffed out, arms crossed.

The manager ignored Jennie and stared at Lisa expectantly. Lisa looked at the frustrated Jennie, figuring that Jennie has been trying to convince him unsuccessfully.

“Could you please ask them to move it to another day, Chaeyoung really can’t do it today,” Lisa said politely, but the manager rolled his eyes and leaned his head back in exasperation, which really rubbed Lisa the wrong way. She now got why Jennie had already looked like she wanted to throw the man out of their dorm.

“She can tell me that herself if she is really not feeling well,” the manager responded, moving past Lisa, reaching a hand towards Chaeyoung’s bedroom door. Lisa was getting ready to physically pull him back, her overprotectiveness over Chaeyoung re-igniting, when Jisoo beat her to it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jisoo’s voice froze the manager, his hand on the doorknob. Her hair was still wet from the shower she must’ve been taking before the commotion started, her features soft from her bare face, but that did nothing to soften her scowl. 

Jisoo’s glare made the manager swallow, letting go of the doorknob, and taking a step back to face Jisoo. “I need to talk to Park Chaeyoung about her schedule and—”

“—and you what? You thought you would just go into her bedroom?” Jisoo questioned, her tone portraying her as the unofficial leader of the group that she was.

The manager took a deep breath, “I’m her manager, I need to check for myself if she’s sick.”

“You keep saying ‘if’,” Jennie interjected angrily, “do you think she’s a student pretending to be unwell to skip school? She’s a professional idol and if we’re telling you she can’t work today, then that’s all you need.”

“Listen if this is about me not letting her go to the doctor—”

“What?”  
“Are you kidding me?”  
“You did what?”

The three girls expressed their disbelief at what he said at the same time. Jennie taking a threatening step towards him, while Lisa clenched her fists in anger. 

“Get out.” Jisoo said sternly, making the manager stare at her with wide eyes.

“What?” He dumbly questioned.

“I said get out.”

The manager scoffed, “Who do you think you are? Your group manager will be hearing of this disrespect.”

“Tell YG for all we care,” Jennie backed Jisoo up, “Just don’t forget to tell them that not only were you in our dorm, but also were trying to get into Chaeyoung’s bedroom.”

Chaeyoung’s manager glared at each of the girls, who all stared back at him in defiance, then angrily stalked out of the dorm, slamming the door behind him.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” Jennie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in emphasis with each word.

“This guy seriously needs to be fired,” Jisoo said, the scowl turning into a look of concern, “I know he’s new, but has he been treating her like this the whole time?”

Lisa’s anger had completely deflated, the worry for Chaeyoung taking its place 10-folds, “She didn’t say anything… She only complained about how stern he was a couple of times but nothing like this… I would’ve—” Lisa tried to keep the tears of frustration at bay, how was she so blind as to not notice anything that was happening with her best friend. “I should’ve…”

Jisoo places a comforting hand on her arm, “Let’s check on Chaeyoung, I doubt she could’ve slept through all of this.”

———

Chaeyoung was sitting up in bed, arms hugging her knees which were supporting her head, when the bedroom door opened and the members walked in.

“Rosie?” Jennie called out her name in such uncharacteristic timidness, especially after Chaeyoung having woken up to her yelling just a few minutes before.

Chaeyoung responded with an “Is he gone?” to which the members quickly nodded.

“Has he always been such a little bitch?” Jennie questioned, getting back some of her anger at the mention of the manager.

“Jennie-yah!” Jisoo reprimanded automatically, drawing a light-hearted eye roll out of Jennie and a chuckle out of Chaeyoung.

“God he is though, isn’t he?” Chaeyoung said in amusement, leaning back on the headboard. The last few days had left her isolated from her group but just this small exchange where everything was so normal was letting her breathe a little easier. 

Well it was almost all normal, except for how quiet and far away from her Lisa was. The Thai girl who comforted her though her breakdown enough that she could actually fall asleep, with protective arms around her that kept the nightmares at bay, was standing in the door way, her right hand squeezing her own left arm, teeth chewing on her bottom lip, and eyes stuck firmly on the ground. Chaeyoung didn’t know what it was that got her best friend looking so nervous, but she was sure it had something to do with her, and she was determined to fix it.

“Lisa…” Chaeyoung called out softly and Lisa immediately looked up to find Chaeyoung holding up a hand towards her, beckoning her closer. Lisa complied right away, and Chaeyoung responded with a small smile. “I’m sorry about last night. You must’ve been so worried.” Chaeyoung directed the last part at Jisoo and Jennie as well, her thumb stroking Lisa’s hand in her own.

“There’s no need to apologize Chae,” Lisa finally spoke, her brows furrowing, “We—I…” Lisa corrects herself, “ **I** didn’t even realize something was going on…”

“How would you have? We barely saw each other the last few days with all the individual shootings going on,” Chaeyoung reassured, “I should’ve told you guys I needed help instead of getting into this helpless mindset. It’s not on you for not knowing.”

Jennie and Jisoo joined the other two girls on the bed, Jennie squeezing Chaeyoung’s leg in support.

Lisa quickly let go of her own guilt for now, not wanting the moment to be about Chaeyoung comforting her when it should be the opposite.

“What’s been going on Chaengie? He said something about not letting you see a doctor?” Jisoo asked, her protectiveness of the younger girls not letting go of that detail or of the need to make sure that manager was nowhere near Chaeyoung again, considering how willing he was to invade the girl’s privacy.

Chaeyoung sighed, wiping at her face when she felt the tears stinging her eyes again.

The girls looked at each other in worry seeing Chaeyoung getting emotional at just the question.

“Rosie… did someone…” Jennie hesitated, not knowing how to ask the question tactfully, especially when the thought of it made her so angry, “Are you hurt? Because god help me if someone even touched a hair on you, I will—”

“—What?” Chaeyoung looked up sharply, “No, no! It’s nothing like that. I promise!” Chaeyoung watched the girls sigh in relief.

With their tension deflating, Chaeyoung’s heart swelled at the love and protectiveness surrounding her. Despite having questioned her choice of becoming an idol the last days, this family she’s found was why she wouldn’t change her choices for the world. _What would her life have been without the girls in it?_ She wondered idly and her answer came in the emptiness that clenched her heart immediately, causing her to hold Lisa’s hand tighter, who in turn grasped Chaeyoung’s hand in both of hers in reassurance that she was there. Chaeyoung looked up gratefully at her for the silent understanding. They have both always seemingly reading each other’s minds, and that hadn’t changed.

“You can tell us anything Chae,” Lisa said, “we’re here for you no matter what.”

Chaeyoung nodded, half wishing she had already told them days ago, knowing they wouldn’t have let her wallow in her sorrows alone. “I— So… The thing is—” Chaeyoung interrupted herself with humourless chuckle, “Gosh this is hard.”

“Take your time,” Jisoo encouraged her with a soft smile.

She took a deep breath, “There’s something I haven’t told you guys.” Lisa’s frown at that made her rush to her next words, “about my family.”

 _The smell of antiseptic was replaced by freshly cut grass. The sound of the heart rate monitor by the metal of shovels hitting dirt. The touch of the frail arm by emptiness and the nightmare that was the capital letter C. Every high note tainted by pain in her heart from then on out._

“Rosie?” Jennie calling her name shook her out of her the memories consuming her as of late.

“Sorry,” Chaeyoung cleared her throat, she was already getting choked up and she hadn’t even started. “I had an aunt, who I was named after. She was my favorite person in the world growing up. My parents weren’t really that musically inclined but she had the sweetest voice, and we would spend hours just with her playing the piano and me trying to keep up with her vocals, making up songs as we go. 

“And god her lyrics, I loved them when I was a clueless kid but when I grew up, I finally saw how much she poured of herself in them. I didn’t know back then it was because these little pieces would be the only thing l—left of her…” 

Chaeyoung sobbed at the last words, and Lisa let go of her hands to hug her tightly, mirroring how she held her to herself the previous night, trying to keep Chaeyoung from falling completely apart.

The girls patiently waited for Chaeyoung to calm down a bit, Jennie’s hand rubbing up and down her leg, a silent show of support. Lisa leaning back when she felt Chaeyoung’s hitched breaths even out.

Wiping her tears, Chaeyoung was determined to continue. “She was the one planning on sending me to the YG audition. I was just doing the singing thing for fun, but she saw who I could become and convinced my dad.”

“Oh, you always said it was your dad who got you to go on that audition,” Jennie expressed the girls’ confusion. 

“He did,” Chaeyoung said, wringing her hands together, a bit nervous that her members would be upset about not having known the full details of how she came to join them. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but she died shortly before the auditions. My dad told me after I got here that he wasn’t going to go on with the whole thing, but…”

_A black picture frame. Untouched piano keys. Abandoned strings. Unfinished lyrics. Deafening quiet that threatened to suffocate everyone in the Park household._

Lisa’s touch on her face pulled her with a small gasp. She hadn’t dwelled on those days in ages and she had almost forgotten how much it hurt, but the pain was as fresh as it was all those years back.

Lisa had her head slightly tilted in question, concern etching her features.

“Sorry,” Chaeyoung apologized again, causing the girls to again exchange looks of worry. _How had they’ve known each other for so long and never had seen this pain that was enough to pull Chaeyoung so far away?_

Chaeyoung continued with a humourless chuckle, “It was the opposite of what I had always said. He sent me to that audition because it was too quiet in the house. It was almost like she took all the music with her, and I was left behind with an empty heart, and no one knew how to break this silence. I honestly don’t recall what I did for those weeks after her passing, only that I was suddenly holding my guitar again at the auditions, singing ‘I won’t give up’ of all things…”

_The sounds of the world rushed in the more she strummed on her guitar as if the world was suddenly being woken up by the sound of the music, except it was her that was suddenly awake._

“And suddenly breathing wasn’t so hard anymore with her voice in my head, guiding me back to a dream I didn’t know was mine to reach.”

The sniffle made Chaeyoung look up to her members, finding no dry eyes in the room. “What are you crying for? You’re gonna me cry,” Chaeyoung said light-heartedly, tears shinning on her face.

“Yah you’re already crying,” Jisoo said as she wiped at her face quickly, distraught that she broke her streak of not crying in front of her members. 

“Unnieee,” Chaeyoung whined at seeing the eldest’s rare tears. 

“I’m so sorry you went through all that Chaeyoungie,” Jennie said.

“You’re extraordinary Park Chaeyoung, and I’m so glad your dad took you to that audition and the interviewers saw how music brought you back from all this pain,” Lisa said, unashamed to let her tears openly fall this time.

The pride in Lisa’s voice made Chaeyoung’s heart swell to an almost uncomfortable degree, and with seeing that same pride reflected on the other 2 member’s faces, an involuntary smile broke out on her face despite the tears, that were more happy now, but Lisa was wiping at them anyway, ignoring her own. 

Chaeyoung looked gratefully at her best friend, who was smiling widely at her, and for a moment her thoughts that were occupied with nothing but pain the last few days, were now only of Lisa. _Lisa. Lisa. Lisa._ The younger girl inexplicably and unexpectedly filling the gaps in her broken heart that she hadn’t even tried to mend. Chaeyoung found herself taking Lisa’s hand in hers and putting it right where her heart is with no explanation, but yet again it seemed like Lisa knew the words she herself didn’t, as Lisa tightened her hand that was under Chaeyoungs’ enough for Chaeyoung to physically feel her pulse thundering against Lisa’s skin, as if the girl literally had her heart in her hand.

But it seemed like happiness wasn’t hers to hold at the moment, which was well enough anyway because Chaeyoung definitely did not have the bandwidth to decipher the tangle that was her feelings for Lisa, especially with the way the younger girl was looking at her at this moment, like she was the brightest star in the sky. 

It was Jennie who had unwittily crashed her back to reality, “I agree, I can’t imagine how my life would’ve been without Park Chaeyoung’s voice filling every moment of every day, even when some of us are trying to sleep.”

_‘—Park Chaeyoung’ the name signed on every battered sheet of lyrics in the box in her closet. The name with sometimes a ‘x2’ scribbled under on some of the more yellowed batters sheets like a child etched it there. The name with sometimes a ‘+ Rosé’ on more preserved sheets in still a less graceful script. The name with sometimes a ‘1980-2012. Beloved daughter, sister, and aunt’ on a marble slab engraved with unforgiving, permanent sharp lines._

“What is it?” Lisa quickly asked before the other 2 girls’ had even realized the shift in mood, which she had sorely felt with the skip of a heartbeat and the sudden loosening of the hand that was holding hers to said heart. Chaeyoung’s eyes were suddenly downcast and not meeting hers anymore, which was causing Lisa’s chest to constrict in all sorts of unpleasant ways, contrary to how it had felt just a moment before Chaeyoung zoned out again.

“My aunt… She died of breast cancer. And I felt a lump a few days ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who read the story so far, hope you're enjoying it. Sorry for the long wait between chapters, I just realized it's been a month PhD is kicking my ass and not leaving me with any energy to write and I wanted to get the chapter to 2.5k. BUT we've had SO much Blackpink content I don't feel 'so' bad hehe the netflix documentary especially gahhhhh my heart!!!

**Author's Note:**

> TW: breast cancer
> 
> I'm very new to Blackpink (like just started listening this past month but completely in love with all of them and their music, especially Rosé #godisawoman). And they have inspired quiet a writing storm, I've already got a few fic ideas and hopefully can whip them in shape for posting, so hope you enjoy xx


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